Project 2022 — Day 1
Character is fate
Character is a sum of all the qualities one practices day in, day out, all through their life. The character becomes weak or strong depending on what we consciously choose to nurture. What values do we hold dear to us? What is it that we choose to practice. What are we committed to?
I want my damn apology
I have many admirable qualities, and very few of them have I been practicing. I grew up in a happy and healthy family. But then certain incidents* happened and I was unsure of how to respond to those events. Many good things did happen in course of time but I just refused to end my pity party and remained a victim for far too long. I kept waiting and waiting and waiting for the external closure, expecting a loud thud will happen, the universe will come and tell me, Dear A, you were sweet and innocent and the world wronged you. I have a list of all the people who didn't do what you expected them or wanted them to do. Now you feel cheated. I’m sorry, here’s is the grand public apology. Now you have all the permissions and rights to get back on your horse and march into glory!
The fucking apology never came
Alas, the public apology never happened. I did want to punch all those people in their faces and tell them how much their actions hurt me. But I would always stop in my feet and think, what would actually happen if I went ahead and punched these people in the face? Like, I might hurt my hand, and they will hurt their jaw, and what will they tell others about the injury and then that will just open another can of worms about what happened and what should have happened and how I reacted or responded to that situation and whether it was right or wrong.
Agrrrrr. I don't want any additional mess
So, I never vented out. Never got over my silly and not so silly boo-boos.
The selfish me
Refusing to get up when fallen and wanting others to stop their journey and sit with me and nod how unjust it was that I fell from the horse is not just selfish and bordering narcissistic but just plain dumb. Like, I personally would refuse to make friends with such a assholes and would like to keep them at my arm's length.
Interestingly, I was acting like this dumb ‘oh, look at me…my life is so hard’ all this while. That. Stops. Today. (Or the conscious choice to not act like this starts today)
I have been selfish to the extent that I have not taken up any responsibility in my relationship and have been nothing more than dead weight. I’m the sneaky dead weight. I will talk smoothly and nicely but not take the initiative to pay the bills or learn to drive or manage our money.
Road to character
These are my goals for this year. The professional goal of landing a job has to happen in 3 months max i.e, till July 2021. I have to land a full-time job offer. Other things will continue on the side but on lower priority.
